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My gambling problem all started with the closing of a company that I worked for in 2003. I was a bit upset that it was closing but I was happy that we were getting a big severence package. The gambling started only when I was out with my friends, then continued to progress week by week. I found myself going out on purpose to play and going out alone. Then people started saying stuff to me that I didn't want to admit so I started searching for more secluded places with less people.

Now 2005 and for the last 7 months it has almost became a nightly thing for me. I started betting higher spending more and home less often. I have a fiance and 2 boys. My gambling was putting me in debt. I have spent our bill money sometimes and my fiance had to bail me out and pay the bills. I spent our x-mas money and my children got less then normal.I have spent the money for the dentist for my children and feel like not buying things that I woukd have bought before because that would be extra moeny to gamble.I haven't hit rock bottom and lost everything yet like some other unfortunate people. But I know that if I didn't get help that I would be telling a story similar to those that lost everything.

I have called the Gambling Hotline 6 days ago and have an appointment with a counsellor in 3 WEEKS. That's right 3 weeks. I thought for sure that I would get in right away and not have to wait so long. I feel like my problem that I have admitted to is not important. I took it upon myself to call and get help but I feel as though no-one cares as much as what I thought that they would. Yes, I have been gambling in the meantime and blowing more money. I just want help. I feel as though I should be sent to a rehabilitation center where there is no gambling machines and I can't play them.

I am feeling so lost but hopeful that help will come my way very soon and to all those that have more painful stories then me, I feel for you with what and who you lost due to this terrible illness. I know that I would be in that same position within months if I didn't admit to having my problem and seeking help.

scsatgirl

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Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Sun, 2007-06-03 13:34.

Authored by: exgambler on Saturday April 23, 2005
04:48 PM EDT

Hi Hopeful,
Hang in there. You can make it without gambling. Many, many people have stopped gambling and they are living happy, productive, normal lives today.

Seek out people who have found recovery and are living meaningful lives today and discover how they did it.

I found help in a large recovery program. They had a list of everyone's last date of gambling. I called everyone who had over five years clean to see how they did it. It really helped me to hear these people tell me to keep going to meetings, call others in recovery, continue to meet with private counselors(if possible financially), learn everything about compulsive gambling as you would about a particular form of cancer as if that had been diagnosed.

I became an expert of gambling addiction and recovery. The illness was arrested. I like to say it is in remission.

Today I try to stay away from anything that could bring back the illness. I had to take a hard look at my "friends," those people who actually were just gambling buddies. I had to take a hard look at the places I hung out. Those places really were lonely hearts places that left me feeling empty afterwards anyway, and the gambling at most of those places was more of a social interaction substitute.

It was a tough thing mentally to accept that I could actually be addicted to gambling, but I kept chasing and chasing my losses until the pain to keep gambling was greater than the pain of stopping gambling.

It appears that you have come to that point, your fork in the road. You can continue to do what you are doing and getting the same results, or you can take a turn in your life. It can be frightening to go out where the path is unknown, but that is why we need to surround ourselves with people who have traveled way down that road already so we can KNOW that it is safe.

And it is SAFE. It is a beautiful life, free from gambling. The six years I lived in a 3-flat in Chicago I had no communications with my neighbors. After I stopped gambling, I had an alley cat that I played with by sitting on the front steps after work, and I became friends with my neighbors. This is what is NORMAL, something I hadn't ever experienced.

At that time, I had never hugged my father or verbally said, "I love you." Thanks to hugging other men and women after recovery meetings, I asked myself, "Why can I not even hug my father, but I can hug a recovering brother?" Today I always hug my father and on every phone call or in person, both my father and I say verbally, "I love you." This is what recovery is doing in my life.

Today, I am married and have a 4 year old daughter. Before, I chased "action" in gambling and women, both in unhealthy ways. Releasing the desire for action has, in stark contrast, allowed a sense of sanity, peacefulness and serenity to come into my life, and it is okay.

One of my mentors is almost 78 years old. He is an American Indian who was dropped off at a receiving hospital at 5 days old back in 1927. He grew up in a boys home, then a detention home, and with only an 8th grade education, he went into the military during the Korea War. He became a drunk and a gambler. He has lived alone all of his life. But he has helped me in recovery immensely.

I share this because you never know who may be the carrier of the message of hope.

He has a funny saying. He likes to say, "I'm okay and your okay and it's okay to be okay." I have heard this for years and even though I know the words, the meaning to me has changed as I have changed through the years of recovery.

One final thought for you, my new gambler friend. If you find yourself back gambling, just look around and ask yourself if this is the highest purpose for your life? Are these people around me the people I want to spend the rest of my life with?

Hang in there. You can make. We can make it even better together.