Should I move on? Newly retired and marriage in trouble.

Hi! My name is Mickey and my husband is addicted to gambling. He's always buying scratch off tickets which at first I didn't think was a big deal....was I wrong! You can spend alot on those thing! To me, it's like throwing money out the window! He's very stingy with money when it comes to upkeep on the house, gifts for birthdays & Christmas, etc.

I was just reading a couple of posts and they remind me of myself! My
husband and I are both retired and own our home. I learned quite a few
years ago to keep our finances separate!! My husband seems to borrow from
everyone! He's always broke! I am just so stressed out with our living
situation....our kids are grown, but he has even borrowed money from them!
(I learned this after the fact!) We've been having quite a few arguments.
He's very moody and resentful (even though I pay for most things and he
brings in double what I do sith SS and pensions)! I'm just not so aure what
to do since we're both in our late 60's. I brought up the idea of us
separating and he said he would if I give him $10,000 (he wants half of
what our house is worth but he knows I can't do that)! Our house is
probably only valued in the $40,000 range, but I'm sure glad it's in both
of our names or we wouldn't have it now! He knows I have money saved in my
401k plan so I could give him the $10,000.....

I didn't touch my 401K when I
was working, he spent all his before he was even retired!
I'm just glad I found this group! Wondering if it's too late for me to do
anything at my age! Should have done something years ago!
I'm just as resentful since he just "blows" money. He pays utilities and
insurance and I pay groceries and anything that goes wrong in the house or
any extras!

He admits he has a problem but does nothing about it.....sorry to burn
your ears off! I feel better now that I've even talked about it!
Any advice you can give me would be appreciated!

prokopton's picture

My advice? Have nothing to

My advice?

Have nothing to do with him financially. Ask those who know him not to lend him money.

If you still want him in your life, that's up to you. But financially, cut all ties. Not a dollar more. And don't give in to coercion. Gamblers are good at manipulating other people.

Best regards.

Manipulating people

When I began I would just buy the odd scratch card.We're all aware that gambling is addictive but it never seriously entered my head that I'd get caught out.As lives pressures built up,financial and other,perhaps as an unconscious desire to be financially able to buy my way out of them,I would get 2,3, 4 and more.Then break the boundaries and buy the 5 and £10 ones.This put a strain on our joint account to the point where my husband began to question where all the money was being spent.

There were rows over this and I became deceitful and manipulative when I wanted more money.i had previously had a good value system and integrity and who I was was slowly being chipped away.I did have a win of £4,444.4,on a £1 scratch card.I gave my husband some towards his credit card,treated myself and bought a few things for the house,but became even more reckless than before.I was totally hooked now and realized that it had to stop.i tried to avoid those that had SC's but more and more shops were selling them.Opted out of the joint account voluntarily and created one with just enough for basics.i have given my husband my credit card to keep this week.Quite a blow to the pride! This arrangement is just for 1 month to get me used to not buying any SC's.

No one expects to end up in a mess like this. Your story shows how seriously awful things can become from such small beginnings.addiction makes hitherto nice people act badly,resorting to emotional blackmail even. The advice in your last reply is sound. Don't let your feelings for him cloud your judgment.Stay firm.Tell him to swallow his pride,if he has any left,and seek help.Everyone should be encouraged to visit these sites.i'm sending my very best wishes to you.Don't despair.