Wife of a Compulsive Gambler

Hi, I am August and I am the wife of a compulsive gambler. I have been married 14 years. We have a 6 year old son. I did not find out about the gambling until year 3 of marriage. My husband will admit that he is a CG. He has asked me to be over the finances. We have no bank accounts together. Our home is in my name only. He has even given me his bank card and ask that I just give him money for daily expenses....gas, lunch. But I know he still goes to the casinos. He gets advertisements daily from the casinos in Illinois and Indiana. He has gotten concert tickets, dinners, hotel stays, gifts. It is sickening. He can be straight for a few months, but will go on a binge. That is where we are right now. He is on a binge. I would say that he went on the binge at Thanksgiving. On December 18, on his pay day he asked for his bank card back. When I questioned him on why he went Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde on me. It was like a stranger I had never seen.

I have not seen the card since December 18. On Christmas Day he left the house and returned Monday December 28. He had the same clothes on when he left. He got paid NYE. He left and is still gone. My husband lies, he is a stranger that gets mean. He gets belligerent and it is like he does it to get you off him. He tries to flip the situation and put blame on me for going gambling. Which I know is a lie. He will say he is bored. Gambling is exciting. But then when he is coming down off the binge, he is broke, sad, depressed.

When my husband is good, it is so good. But this is the second binge in our marriage and this is bad. It makes my heart is heavy. My husband has gone to GA for about two months. He didn't gamble during that time. But he stopped, like he was all better. When I brought up going back, he raised all kind of hell saying that he can handle the gambling. That is BS!!!! I know I can't make him do anything. He has to want to help himself. He has to want to stop and get help on his own.

I just need to talk and vent for myself. I need to see how others in this situation are handling this. I need the support.

prokopton's picture

I'm not able to offer any

I'm not able to offer any support on the emotional side of the issue.

But on the financial side: Keep your finances separate! Bank accounts, assets, everything!

As a former compulsive gambler: NEVER TRUST A GAMBLER! They're good at manipulating people to get whatever they need to keep gambling! They're no different than drug addicts.

All the best.

Coping with compulsive gambling!

I have found,as a compulsive gambler my self, that the only way out is with trickery pokery, to try to rewire the brain! In other words to outwit it by exercising humility,admitting your problem,to enlist help from friends and people you trust,to burn your credit cards,to take up another interest,be it sport or something creative.
Whatever it takes to make it harder to get your hands on any money to squander.It's humiliating and hard but because you are trying you get a little pride back as a reward.Everyones case is different but this is working for me at the moment.

For people on the receiving end of all this grief it's not so easy,and it's a good idea to come onto a site like this for support and to say how you feel.There is hope but it's a long hard road back so you have to be strong.Only you can know how much you can take,so put yourself first and make sure you look after your own financial security and happiness.

I wish you all the very best!

sorry to hear about your

sorry to hear about your situtation.

Reading everyones stories has helped me come out to my wife early on, she always knew about my problem before marraige but she thought I had more self control.

Reading your story helps me tremendously.

Your husband may benefit from coming onto a site like this and talking about his problem with others like us. for the past few years I have been on and off on gambling but have found that theres two types of people that quit gambling. One can gamble here and there and the other can not at all. I have accepted the fact i do not have self control when it comes to certain things. Your husband may need to accept that before he really gets better.

You need to divert his energy into something else he loves. There must be something out there that he use to love to do with his time besides gamble.

Ive decided to make it hard for myself to place a bet. I have given my wife my online banking log in so I know she can see where my money goes. I dont want her to combine our accounts but I want to know that I now am accountable for any dollar that I spend.

I have also decided to go to consuelling and will bring her to sessions as well. Its hard to understand a gambling addiction as noone can see its effects till its usually too late.

In the end he needs to know that you will not put it up with it anymore and you may actually have to leave him for him to realize this. I have realized that my wife will leave and although i have made her this promise in the past i never took steps to hold my self accountable.