Life really does test us doesn't it?

Life has been so hard this last year and I have wanted to run and hide from it all; even thought about gambling a few times. Since my nieces death I know that gambling can not be an option, I would never dishonor her that way. Now there is a new situation that is troublesome and again I want to hide from it and not face it head on which I have learned through my recovery.

My girlfriend of nine years has recently found out that she has skin cancer. Oh there are many tests to be done to find out if it has spread or how bad it is, but after what happened with my niece of course I went straight to the dark place. I'm so scared that I'm in total denial. I can't face it and so it makes me want to hide. I don't want to gamble because that just can't be an option, but I don't want to think about it either. Every time I try to think about it I hear the words in my head, "I can't, I just can't do this." I pray for the strength as I did when my niece was ill because I have never had much strength in these situations where someone I love is ill.

The good news is that my recovery has helped me through this new scare of my life; even if it's to just take a breath. That is what the serenity prayer does for me, it' helps me breath so I don't do anything stupid. They say that God doesn't give you more than you can handle but damn! Last Saturday we had a celebration of life for my sixteen year old niece and it was absolutely beautiful if those things can be beautiful. Now the love of my life is facing the "C" word. She is facing it like a trouper, I'm scared.

Sorry I'm rambling, I'm just talking out loud because it's hard to voice my fears. One day at a time.

Denise C

3 years 7 months and 10 days without a bet.

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You are an inspiration
Submitted by Bach on Fri, 2006-10-20 16:48.

Denise: I wanted to say again that you are an inspiration to me. Just seeing the 3 years 7 months motivates me.

You are very strong for not using gambling as an escape from the worst life has to offer. Please keep being strong for yourself and those you motivate.

The part you wrote about not dishonoring your niece by gambling is beautiful.

God Bless You.


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I don't know how strong I am
Submitted by denisec on Sat, 2006-10-21 07:18.

I don't know how strong I am Bach, but I do use my recovery. Thank you for your blessings.

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How good you must feel to
Submitted by exvegas1 on Sat, 2006-10-21 09:36.

How good you must feel to have made it this far without a bet. What is especially inspirational to me is that you still keep up with the help and seeking out help. It must be true that it is and will always be one day at a time! Thank-you and I will be praying for you!

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thinking about you...
Submitted by sully06 on Tue, 2007-01-02 16:40.

Denise- I am touched by your posts and feel compelled to write to you. I am sorry for the loss of your neice, leukemia and other blood cancers are nasty thieves that rob us of our loved ones...though many advances/discoveries have been made sometimes it is not enough to save the one that we love. I recently completed a triatholon to raise $ and awareness for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society and it was a wonderful experience.

I am praying for your GF and her cancer diagnosis. Two years ago my partner was diagnosed with breast cancer and it was frightening. She, like it sounds like your GF had a tremendous amount of resolve and determination through all the horrible tests and treatments...and as of today, some two years later she is still cancer free.

I really don't know why I am writing to you other than to say that (as you know) gambling will not bring your neice back nor help your GF's health continue to be strong for yourself and your GF and as my dad (AA member and sober for 14 years) used to say "just do the next RIGHT thing"...whatever that is for you.

I wish you the best-and you and your family are in my thoughts-

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Thank you. Believe me I
Submitted by denisec on Fri, 2007-01-05 08:53.

Thank you. Believe me I know that gambling can not be an option and over the last year there have been times where it has slipped into my mind as one. Just can't go there.

Thank you for your well wishes for me and my family. My GF just went to San Fransisco yesterday to talk to the specialists and it looks like she will be able to do her treatments in Reno so that makes me very happy. The thought of not being able to be there every moment was killing me. Now I will be able to be there for her through all of her treatments.

I have always liked that saying, "Just do the next right thing.

Denise C

3 years 9 months and 27 days without a bet