How do you find yourself?

I have a question for some of the "veterans." I don't consider myself one, just yet.

How do you go about "finding yourself"? I've noticed this topic has come up often. What techniques does one use?

Meditation? Relaxation? Ask yourself a lot of questions?

Any suggestions?



I'm full of questions, aren't I?

I think I'm on the verge of a major breakthrough in self-help.

Let me explain what I think about finding yourself. I'm an amateur so please bare with me.

I think in order to find yourself, you have to know what your limits and potential are. What you're capable of doing and not doing; your strengths, weaknesses, abilities, disabilities, hopes, fears, your past, and what you want for your future. I suppose you have to do an assessement on yourself. This requires complete honesty.

I remember there were periods in my life where I drifted without realizing what I was doing. I was procrastinating big time. I gambled to avoid goals, opportunities, people, you name it. As compulsive gamblers, don't we all procrastinate? Please say yes.

From what I understand we procrastinate to avoid change or difficult tasks. In a way this makes us lazy, doesn't it? This is a major stumbling block to success. If we don't succeed, then we fail. It's funny because people (myself included) will procrastinate to avoid failure, mistakes, rejection, criticism, and we do it to avoid (gulp) success. Success is a terrible thing to avoid. It's something we should stride for. We all deserve to be successful in every are of our lives.

I guess in order to change, we have to stop procrastinating and start taking action. Doing the things we find unpleasant first and just getting with the program.

This self-help stuff is contagious.

What does everyone here think about how to go about finding yourself?

lilaud had some great quotes about knowing yourself in her previous posts.


I'm having a dialogue with myself. Someone please chime in. I'm full of questions and ideas tonight.


Hi Honesty,

You said, "I think in order to find yourself, you have to know what your limits and potential are. What you're capable of doing and not doing; your strengths, weaknesses, abilities, disabilities, hopes, fears, your past, and what you want for your future. I suppose you have to do an assessement on yourself. This requires complete honesty."

Never put 'limits' on yourself or your potentials. Human beings are only limited by their imagination. As Einstein said, "Imagination is more important than knowledge." And even Einstein did not reach his full potential.

Finding your 'true' self is yes, being honest with yourslef... and realising that you are capable of practically 'anything'. We all have talents and powers way beyond what we 'believe' we have. We have been limited by our belief-systems. I can ask somebody, "Can you play the violin?" They may never have even thought of it, or never even handled a violin, and will answer, "No." And that is there belief, but what if they were to TRY? To take lessons and practice daily and find thier 'true' potential in violin playing. This is just one example of millions!

Our nature/nurture has limited most of us... by leading us to believe things that are false about ourselves. Leading us to have a stunted self-image, with limits that are simply lies.

I must stop here... or I will end up writing a book here



Hi Honesty,

My biggest learning experiences came from mistakes and pain in my life. I learned more about myself and what I was capable of in times of turmoil and disruption.

Escaping reality is human nature, some of us have it worse than other. I don't believe laziness has anything to do with it. I believe it is fear, fear of change, the unknown, fear of success or failure and most human beings are full of fear.

Early in my recovery I learned something very valuable about my compulsive nature. I learned that I was not afraid of the things that were deadly...drugs alcohol, taking uncalculated risks with my life...but I was afraid of telling someone how I felt, being vulnerable, admitting I was wrong, saying sorry...Those things scared the hell out of me.

So I decided to start doing the things that scared the hell out of me and determined that I would get better as a result.

As a people pleaser, I lost a lot of my own opinion and interests behind making everyone else feel happy and good. I stopped asking myself what I wanted and started putting my needs aside for others. Truth be told I am still doing this in areas of my life.

Finding me has been a journey back to what matters to me and trying to figure that all out since I haven't paid much attention to it lately. I started to about 4 and half years ago and then fear set in and I backed off again.....So back to the drawing board.

I could on on and on too but I will let someone else chime in.


How do you FIND yourself?

If you are Claustrophobic look in the garden.

If you are Agoraphobic look in the cupboard.

Just a little light humour before I crack up


You know Crazylady that I found learning to say NO efficiently was one of the hardest things I've ever had to learn... 2 little letters. NO. I don't like that. NO I don't want that. NO I'm not going to do that. etc.

Once I learned that I lived in a FOG of artificial Obligation, I had a tool that I use to always weigh my answers too and it has become very easy to say NO... and to not be a people pleaser. I am not obligated to be one.

The test is this.

First what is true obligation? It is about integrity. It is about staying true to your word. If I tell you I will do something I would do my very best to follow through with that. If for some reason I can not follow through... I would tell you so. That is true obligation.

Any other request is just that... requests. Not obligations. Even when have a request of ourselves.
If your mom was in a nursing home. Are you Obligated to visit?

Just some food for thought


I lost a friend once like that. I really hate moving house. A friend of mine offered and helped me to move house. Some months later he asked me to help him move. I laughed and said 'No way! I really hate moving furniture and stiff." He got real shirty and I offered to pay somebody to help him move. He thought I 'owed' it to him to help. He would not let me pay for somebody else to move him. I just did not want to do it and we fell out.
Oh well... Life happens.



Tell them how it is to be a strong, independent woman! Good for you.

Part of the recovery process is to take care of ourselves first before we take care of anyone else. You can't make anyone happy unless you can make yourself happy first.


Your last paragraph is so true it can be taken to the Bank!

We have to be able to laugh at ourselves and our stupid mistakes also. Laughter is good therapy!

I remember saying to a friend one time, "I've had a great life and I couldn't complain if I died tomorrow." He said, "I wouldn't complain if you died tomorrow either."