Greetings Just joined up


My name is Louie N. and I am a compulsive gambler my last bet was made on July 23, 2002.

As you can probably surmise from that opening, I've attended a few Gamblers Anonymous (or GA) meetings. Which is pretty much why my last bet keeps getting farther behind me.

My gambling story is pretty typical, but here goes...

It all started out, very small and seemingly innocent enough, like getting drawing tickets or raffle tickets, bingo, wheels of fortune, penny ante poker real small potatoes stuff like that. Almost nobody ever sees the harm in these things, especially at the age of 6-8 years old or so. Little did I know at the time these small time gambling venues would be the last ones I would ever really enjoy.

this story might take a little more time than I thought but if you're still awake

fast forward to several years in the future. at this juncture the powers that be had just opened up the first (legal) gambling casino resort in a beach resort city which up until that time had lost much of its past glory as the so-called "World's Playground" due to the fact that people could now Jet to wherever they wanted to go. I don't think it's necessary to illustrate or even explain in a forum like this that the start of legalized casino gaming brought back the crowds to this once decaying shell of a Tourist Town.
I was 14 at the time and when my parents went in to the new grand place, i thought well this will be a treat until we were met at the door by the security guard, armed with a policy of no one under 18 allowed inside. so me and my brother just got to hang out in the fun-cade while our parents got to see history in the making. even then all I wanted to do was get in there and PLAY!

my big chance(?) finally came when I was about 16 or so. by that time, I looked like i could pass for legal age (at least to some of the less dilligent security guards) and just walked right in and started gambling.
at the time it didnt matter to me if i won or lost just getting in there was a big enough victory for me.

sadly it wasn't so for very long. I would say that between the ages of 16 and 19 I must have went through enough currency, seeing it all come and go, to put me through any college that would have accepted me. so guess which Ivy League Institution I attended. (that's right i was broke all the time so no man of letters I)

now when i was 19 i joined a New age type of christian church, which i thought was my ticket completly out of gambling world. I mean, after all,
one of their teachings was that gambling was of the devil and was morally equivalent to theft due to the fact that it is based on the notion of something for nothing. (besides God needs your tithe money more) wink wink
now such a thing might be enough for some people to leave gambling behind for good but when you're a compulsive gambler like me, all this kind of thing does is cause you to become very adept at keeping all the gambling that you do on the QT. but just the same, i didn't do as much gambling as i probably would have without it.

by the time i was 27 i got married and the church group had just started to splinter off in all different factions and directions with one camp not speaking to another, and another camp shunning yet another, etc. typically how these things end up.

but for me it was the perfect reason to get back to my favorite thing gambling
and this time no shame, no one to answer to, no regrets! too bad it didn't quite work out that way.

so once again i start out small with gambling and to make a long story short (too late ha ha) by the time i was 38 i was calling Gamblers Anonymous.

I'm sorry to disappoint all you Gambling Horror Story fans out there, but i was one of those slow, subtle, deterioration people which finally brought me to the point of admitting defeat. I do have a final Train Wreck story if anyone wants to read it but let's see how people respond to this post first.

in GA i consider myself a rotten story-teller but i still get a kick out of the meetings.
I notice that alot of people who post here or at least who have posted here
seem to think that GA is too religious for them or too old or too far away or some other thing but to me GA is all about recovery, and recovery is all about WHATEVER works for each individual

a website like this though is a treat though i plan to visit alot

your friend, Louie N. Compulsive Gambler.


Welcome

Thanks for the share, Louie - glad you're here.

Pretty honest stuff, especially the part about admitting defeat. I've got no problem with admitting defeat, my problem is in staying in that defeated space lest I test the waters again.

Running out of toes for that experiment.

Be Well,

Mr Boiny


thank you too

for being the only one to reply to my post (so far anyway)

know what here's an idea for you

alot of people think this whole recovery thing starts out as
a corny admission of weakness on the part of the recoverer

in GA the first step is written as "we admitted we were powerless over gambling---that our lives have become unmanageable"

ok at first glance that kinda sounds like an admission of weakness, i'll
grant you, but lets look at it another way shall we?

we(the fellowship or in the case of any individual I)
admitted we WERE (not ARE but WERE)
powerless over gambling
to us (as far as our individual recoveries are concerned) gambling is the unbeatable foe against which we strive.

it is as if, having never been a boxer or prizefighter, the first person i challenge to a boxing match is Muhammed Ali (in his prime). God knows i certainly wouldn't be favored to win, and yet here I stand face to face with the unbeatable foe issuing my challenge.

That is what people do when they take the first step. we are throwing down a gauntlet to gambling itself (in all of its forms) with every intention to prevail against it.

so now everyday, hell anytime you don't gamble, you WIN! :)

ok maybe this is a little too abstract and delusional but its no less delusional than continuing to gamble looking for the so-called big win is it?

tell me what you think

your friend, Louie N.