How do I help him?


Hello Everyone
My boyfriend told me last night he was addicted to VLT. He also asked for my help. I don't know how to help but I'm certainly going to try. If I'm going to help I need to know how to help. I'm sure he's going to go through withdrawls like any other addiction. The rest I'm not sure about, will he start lying? Sneaking around to play them? Could someone please tell me what to look for, signs of some kind. The only thing I could think of last night is if he doesn't have any money he can't play. He has agreed to give me his pay cheque on Fridays, so this friday I will see if he follows through with this. I also told him I wanted to know where he went to play, I don't have to go in I just want to know where to find him if he falls. Is this a good idea?

How can I help him with this battle? I know there is not an instant solution to this problem but I'm sure there are things I can do for him to ease the frustration he is going to feeling.

Any advice you can give me I'd love to hear.

Thanks,
Nat


Welcome Nat

You've certainly come to the right website.

Among the many posts on this forum you will find great lists of things to watch out for when trying to spot and counter addiction to gambling.

first things first though, if your boyfriend wants to overcome an addiction to compulsive (or pathological--for you psycology fans) gambling, then it will be a serious fight for him. This is because recovering from compulsive gambling is not as easy as it sounds.

Many people don't even think compulsive gambling exists, but anybody who has lived with the consequences of it simply knows better.

but even armed with the experiences surrounding those consequences and knowledge of the folly of compulsive gambling, a compulsive gambler is rarely swayed from his addiction.

(Here's where everybody asks WHY)

the answer to that is Nobody seems to know.

It's true. in spite of the fact that people all around the world, since before recorded human history, have been dealing with the consequences of gambling addiction, no one has ever been able to pinpoint a why or wherefore
about it.

God knows, it's not for lack of trying either. The most eminent and venerated and celebrated psycologists, psychiatrists, scholars and scientists have spent lifetimes devising theories, developing schools of thought, and of course, compiling mountains of statistical data on the subject and everything they seem to learn is pretty much inconclusive at best. :(

BUT HERE IS THE GOOD PART

It is NOT necessary to know WHY compulsive gambling is what it is
in order to learn HOW to recover from it. :)

Earlier in this post I mentioned that recovery will be a tough battle for him...key-word here is him. One thing you will discover on the road to recovery is that each person seeking it has to do so of his own free will and accord. Loved ones like yourself and others can help in many ways. They can and have in many cases bent over backwards to help another person suffering and struggling with gambling addiction. Many of the steps which you have already taken (named in your post) are advised at any Gamblers Anonymous (GA) Meeting you might attend. However, as helpful as family and friends may be, they can't do the recovery for the person who is a real compulsive gambler.

It is the compulsive gambler himself, who must decide that as such he needs to recover from it. this of course is the first order of business for anybody who wants to recover (or THE FIRST STEP for you GA fans).

It has been said (by people much wiser than myself) that this so called first step is better than half the battle fought, and how true that rings when you see the great transformations in poeple's lives after simply admitting to themselves that "wait a minute, I have a problem".

and then watch how they flourish in life when they commence to do something about that problem :) :) :)

your friend, Louie N., compulsive gambler


Thank you Louie

Hi Louie
Thank you for your advice. I am aware that the battle will be his, he has made the decision to asks for help, asking for help means admitting you have a problem. I will help him in any way that I can.

Thanks again Louie
Laura


thank you too

if you don't mind let us know how things turn out

i think everybody loves a success story when it comes to kicking problem gambling

your friend, Louie N. compulsive gambler


Take him away from your town

First few days deinitely, he'll find it difficult. Load him with lots of work in a way he is tied to something.Try to be away from your town for sometime as well.Take him out for a nice trip.


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