I'm finally here.


StaceyP: I'm happy to have found an outlet to talk....I pride myself on being a frugal, responsible, capable, intelligent person. Why do I need to go on line and play a slot machine? An electronic game has me hook, line and sinker. I first started gambling on line after my parents passed away..they died 8 months apart from each other, leaving me a house filled w/all and a nice sum of money.....I wonder if I feel guilty...I wonder if I'm bored? I wonder if I'm trying to get back at my husband....maybe, just maybe, I like the high it gives me......I became pregnant, I had all this time at home now..cant go out? cant go to happy hour? cant enjoy the dancing and the fun outside, it would look too weird? so why cant i take my money and use it towards something fun at home? And so i did...mostly every other day....

I was actually the one, strange as it seems, to withdraw my funds and use them or part of them next time, this went on a while...then went on maternity leave..giving me 3 months off....newborns have a tendency to sleep alot...in the beginning anyway..lvg me lots of time...but no paycheck coming in..other than husbands but thats for bills, but i have all this savings, husband doesnt do the finances....i consider my inheritance, my money..not my husbands, so why shouldnt i use it? well...time after time, i would lose 100-600 a night/day per week...

some times not playing for a couple of days...or winning sometimes, banking that....til next time.....well I'm back at work and find myself playing more and more. i still cant go out I have a baby at home (you know all this rationalizations?)....its funny its costs me more money to stay home then go out....my hubby has no clue...he laughs and encourages me...due to the fact i only tell him about my wins....well.. I havent managed to throw it all away, i just got sick and tired of having a gambling hangover....and my daughter deserves better...happy to say its been, well 4 days since i disconnected my computer, maybe thats the answer...i know that if i can stay away long enough, perhaps my brain would rewire itself into compentent thinking again...i miss it.. dont get me wrong...but im not going to be captive to this...especially in my own home..the computer has to be hooked up again, eventually, and I'll have to deal w/this on my own terms.....well I'm glad I'm finally here....its nice waking up in the morning now.....

KiKiT: Hi Stacey,
I'm glad you found this site. If you get bored or feel like gambling, please come here and post instead. There is a great group of people here who understand what you are going through. Finding out that gambling is becoming a problem for you is a big step. I tried to deny it for a long time. Take it one day at a time, even one minute at a time if you are stressing out.

Kiki

Ann:

Welcome to the site Stacey. I too always prided myself on being a frugal, responsible, capable and intelligent person. I am in so many aspects of my personality but when it comes to gambling I am none of those things.

I am trying to remind myself daily that this is a disease and addiction that doesn't go away in a short time. It will take a lot of hard work, conviction and committment to stay away from gambling. To regain my life, I have to do whatever it takes to do that. The only way I see to do it is to totally stay away from gambling.

Good luck Stacey, please keep returning to this site. We all know how you feel and understand.

For me, this may be the only place that I can get some support and understanding.

Good night to all.

NYC06: Hi guys... I just came back from my local Gamblers Anonymous meeting, and boy was it an eye opener. Most of the people in the room were old enough to be my grandfather. Their stories really shook me up and made me more determined than ever to really clean myself up and start a clean slate.

In a few short hours will be my 1st day, or rather the first step of a long road to recovery and normalcy. Late last night I online playing blackjack. I emailed the casino as soon as I lost and, like I'm sure other before me have done, denied the whole thing, and told them I was going to dispute the charges. The casino boss called me back and yelled at me saying that he already had my address, and that if I disputed charges he will get someone to come break my legs. Needless to say, it was a really unnerving experience.

At the meeting tonight, there was this one gentleman who spoke about taking it one day at a time and then using that as a steping stone and building block onto more successful and gamble free days. A simplistic, but extremely profound concept.

Anyway, I hope to be able to get strength, comfort and solace from these posts. I also want to wish each and every one of you the best of luck and inner strength in overcoming this.

Moe11: Welcome Stacy. I have been here for a couple of weeks and people posted a few and then seemed to vanish. Hopefully we can all stick around. Its amazing how we all share things in common no matter the method of gambling. Same awful feeling the next day, same anxieties. I have one of those bank cards that does not seem to mind if I overdraw. Was really tempted to overdraw and go this weekend and came pretty close today. I started thinking about how I would feel tomorrow and all the financial damage I would do in this critical stage for me financially. And then thoughts of how silly and irrational it is to put myself through that for just a couple of hours of excitement where I would almost surely lose.

NY - Break you legs? Thats incredible. I always thought those online places were ran out of cheesy offshore locations where they might hound you constantly if you did not pay. Well, now you know. That should be added incentive to stay away. I would think it was just a threat made from some phone jocky loser where you could press charges but you never know. Its not right either way. I would file a complaint with the Federal Trade commission.

StaceyP: Thanks so much everyone...funny my biggest downfall is the computer (internet gambling).....and now it's going to be my savior...

well today is day 5 and I must admit I had a bad craving last night...guess cause me and the hubby have been fighting and I needed my outlet...but I stayed away....maybe cause I was tired...maybe cause my daughter needed me....maybe I didnt want to!!!

I had all that before and STILL played....so happy to say I'm still here....

Jabberwockyamy: So am I... finally here, I mean.

Much like Stacey, I can't believe I'm here or that I have a problem. I, too, am spending 100-600dollars per night, almost every night, for the past few weeks. Recently, a person who abused me as a child moved back into the area, and it threw my world into chaos. The only thing that seemed to make me happy was online gambling.

I always liked gambling, and I go to Atlantic City 6-10 times per year, but I never had a problem until recently. And I am having a very hard time stopping.

I was just married in March, and everything is wonderful with my husband and I. But he doesn't know, and now I think I have to tell him. I had a HUGE win on Intercasino in December ($9,000) and it is all gone. Played back into the casinos, mostly, but some of it went to the wedding.

I really REALLY don't want to go to a Gamblers Anonymous meeting, because I am a staunch atheist, mainly, but also because my husband's sister goes to Alcoholics Anonymous and he is very disdainful of her -- she never really had a problem that anyone else could see; she just seems to need something to follow. He doesn't believe in 12 step programs, and frankly, neither do I. But where does an atheist go for addiction help, when all the 12 step programs are "higher power" oriented?

I am scared and angry with myself, on top of being very upset about the situation that triggered this to begin with.

I'm just at a loss.

-Amy

Ann: Amy, welcome.

It is very normal to feel scared and angry, we all understand here. Whatever your trigger was, you're at the same place that we are or were in.

I feel that as long as we're recognizing what is happening and seeking help, already we're far ahead of a lot of people. There is hope Amy and I am feeling it more and more each day.

Hope you stick around.

Ann

KiKiT: Hi Amy,
My name is Kiki and I attend Gamblers Anonymous meetings every week. The "Higher Power" doesn't have to mean God or religion, it can also mean the power that comes from the group's shared goal of trying to stop destroying ourselves with gambling. I myself, believe in God, but I don't attend any churches. This is one of my favorite sayings..."Religion is for those people who are afraid of going to hell..Spirituality is for those who have been there." I didn't like Gamblers Anonymous when I first went. I didn't want to ever think that I could never gamble again! I love to gamble! I had to hit bottom many times before I finally realized that the insanity just wasn't worth it. I needed help. I have so many new and dear friends now, through Gamblers Anonymous and this site, that I am becoming a new person, a person with hope of leading a normal life again. It's taken me more than ten years to stay clean more than a month. Gamblers Anonymous has helped me to stop gambling for five months now. If Gamblers Anonymous is not for you, just keep coming here and let us know how you are.

StaceyP: AMY YOU CAN DO IT!!!......Anything that sets u off you have to remember..either way when I'm done gambling that "whatever" it is will still be there..but I will be still upset and BROKE on top of it...hang in there....I'm working off a credit card bill myself..hubby doesnt know....we got a HELOC to fix up the bills we already had...slowly its sinkinf in.......day 9 .. going strong....