Why I relapse


I've hit rock bottom over 30 times in over a decade. It starts with small bets. I used to tell myself that I'll stick to my gambling system and everything will work out.

I played Blackjack and made all kinds of excuses or have little rules I try to follow.

* I'll only play with female dealers because they bring me good luck.
* I won't play with people who are inconsistent.
* I'll only win $20-$40 at one table and move to the next
* I'll leave when I'm up $100
* I'll make $3,000 a year, tax free!

I kept telling myself it will be different this time....

I lost because I didn't stick to my blackjack system. I lost because I stayed on 16 when I should have hit 16. I lost because, because, because... I was lying to myself.

I soon realized there were too many becauses and I had to quit or my life wouldn't get any better.

Recovery is a slow process but you can do it.

It's enjoying the small things in life. Being grateful for my family, friends, and employer. Just being grateful I'm not in a war-torn part of the world without opportunities to better myself.

You have done good in this world. No one is without sin. Please understand that as human beings, we make mistakes.


Posted: 17 Jul 2006 11:40 am Post subject: How true
Hi Bach,

You are so right about the little things in life. I actually went to the grocery store for the first time in months!!! Because of my gambling I was staying with my daughter for almost 6 months. I finally found a place to live, and went to the grocery store like a -- NORMAL PERSON!!! I had money for groceries and a refrigerator to put them in. I can't believe how good it felt. As time goes on I know I will continue to get better, however, I know I can never take this for granted, and must work at it every day. Just like I brush my teeth everyday, I need to focus on NOT GAMBLING everyday -- because when I don't I get a real bad taste in my mouth.

All the best,


Posted: 17 Jul 2006 11:42 am Post subject:
Bach: Its appears we had pretty much the same system. It was a system of lies to ourselves just so we could feed that addiction. Its been 38 days since I last gambled and already those little lies are trying to work their way back into my rationalization system. Things like I could go and just spend 50$ and maybe I could be lucky and get the jackpot or just gambling once and a while really isn't bad. Maybe thats true for some people but not a compulsive gambler


Posted: 17 Jul 2006 01:32 pm Post subject:
welcome ..and congrats on a great start....once your head is lifted out of the fog the process can begin....

i stayed down a long time....even knowing it was wrong...

its good to breathe again..

welcome welcome welcome..


Posted: 17 Jul 2006 09:23 pm Post subject:
I thought I could control myself on the last visit. I thought, "I will just play my favorite lucky machines and even if I only win ten dollars, I will leave. I will only play with fifty dollars. " I just wanted a taste again. That taste turned into losses of more than $600. Then panic and paranoia set in. How was I going to explain this to my husband, my family, my Gamblers Anonymous friends? Well, that was two weeks ago. The urge to go back and chase my money was overwhelming. I'm better now. More calm. Thank you everyone for being here. Kiki