Passed the 30 day mark without gambling


StaceyP

Hope all is well....im passed the 30 day mark and happy to say i have no desire to gamble on line....im happy w/my daughter, husband and my life...and im glad its over...will i ever do it again? nahhh....i have too much too lose and have lost too much.......ive read my books, and researched my disease and it is what it is.. im just glad god cleared my head long enough for me to see.....and what i see is alot of debt....if i give myself 20.00 a day for every day im not gambling...i'd have...20 x 40 per day....thats 800...thats going to my credit card debt.....every month....every time....until its all gone...thats my reminder thats what i have to live to with.....thats what i didnt for one second...get away with.....hope every one is well....and gamble free.....

stacey...

KikiT

Posted: 27 Jul 2006 04:13 pm Post subject: Way to go, Stacey!
Hi Stacey,
Big hugs and congratulations on thirty days! That is a huge achievement.
Keep strong, one day at a time. Keep posting because we all need each other here. Thank you Stacey. Kiki

sue
Posted: 31 Jul 2006 06:43 am Post subject:
Yeah! That is so terrific! I went to a Gamblers Anonymous meeting last night where we had a party for someone celebrating his 30 years. Can you believe it! It was a woderful meeting with both Gamblers Anonymous and GamAnon members in attendance. I especially enjoyed hearing from the GamAnon members and how much the program has improved their lives, their finances, their relationship with their children, their marriage -- just everything.

There were also a few new people in tears because they just didn't know where to turn. It was definitely a night of contrasts -- hope and despair; happiness and sadness; richness and poverty.

I'm working on my 30 days again. This time, instead of telling myself I won't gamble or I don't want to gamble, I tell myself I absolutely CANNOT gamble because I CANNOT go back to the way things were.

I hope everyone had a gambling free weekend. I know I did, yeah!!!
Love,
Sue

Ann

Posted: 31 Jul 2006 08:36 am Post subject:
Hello Stacey, Kiki, Sue and everyone,

I am back and ready to make a fresh start. I have failed miserably. I won't go in to details but I've lost a lot more money and don't feel very good about myself right now. I was so strong for awhile and am wondering where all of that strength went. I'm just so very sad and found it difficult to come back.

Hope you're all doing well, I'm going to need all of you.

Ann

sue

Posted: 31 Jul 2006 09:10 am Post subject: We are here for you
Hi Ann,
We are here for you, so please keep coming back. I am going to a 12 step meeting tonight, so I will keep you posted. Every time I have a slip I learn so much about why I do this to myself. I am going to do EVERY THING in my power to keep from going back to gambling. You can too, Ann.

Love,
Sue

moe11

Posted: 01 Aug 2006 03:14 am Post subject: re
I have not been doing very good. Still wresting with the elusion of control. I went last week and only spent $80. Thing is I could not stop thinking of going back and was so sure that I would win. I ended up losing $500.

I feel like Bill Murry in Groundhog day. Stuck in the same day, same pattern that keeps repeating.

I got away from all my keys. Negative association, congradulating myseld each morning for not having gone. It was like a cold slap in the face when I lost that $500. How could this happen? How could I have fooled myself - again?

I don't know why I can't seem to get myself down to a Gamblers Anonymous meeting. I keep saying I will, keep planning on it. When Friday comes around ( only non-step meeting near me ) there is always an excuse.

Ann
Posted: 01 Aug 2006 05:21 am Post subject:
Hello Stacey, Kiki, Sue, Moe and everyone,

I made it through the day yesterday and feel somewhat better about that. I simply cannot go back and gamble as I've proved over and over that I will win and then put it all back in and more. I've lost a ton of money over the last 3 weeks and need to stop now before the damage is irreparable.

Thank you Sue for your kind words, they are truly appreciated as I feel ashamed and disgusted at what I've done. The whole thing just makes me want to throw up.

Congratulations Stacey on your month of victory and to you Kiki and Sue for doing so well. Moe, please try to start over. If I had just done that after my first lapse, I'd be so much better off today, instead I gave in to the overwhelming desire of chasing my losses, over and over again. We both know that winning to us is only an illusion and we have to remember that each and every day no matter how strong the urges get. I cannot afford to get over-confident again.

Ann

moe11

Posted: 02 Aug 2006 03:40 am Post subject: re
Thanks Ann.

There is not much that we can do about the Past. Now I am starting at yet another month of low funds.

friggen groundhog day. Over and Over again. I am right back where I was 4 months ago. No progress being made.

I am going to Gamblers Anonymous this Friday. Don't know what it takes or how to make sure I go but I will go.

I will post here when I am back.

KikiT

Posted: 02 Aug 2006 05:00 am Post subject:
I have to remind myself, when I get the urge to gamble, that I will never gamble normally, like other people who can stop after twenty dollars or walk out the door when it's time to go. I am a compulsive gambler who can answer yes to all twenty questions.

After my last slip, I lost all desire to work on my recovery. I had worked so hard at it that I let myself get burned out. The desire and enthusiasm of recovery was lost. I was lost. Today I feel it coming back because I am reminded of the pain and anguish that we put ourselves through by reading posts from Moe and Ann. I'm so glad you are all here.

Moe, it's good to know you are taking a chance to attend a Gamblers Anonymous meeting. I know you will find friends who know what you're going through.
Ann, our stories are so alike it's scary. Complacency is my worst enemy.
I have to remember the aftershock, not the thrill of going. I have to remember I am a compulsive gambler. Gambling destroys me more often than any win I've ever gotten.
Today is Wednesday. I'm going to try my best to make this a good day.
I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, but today I'm not going to gamble. I want to sleep tonight without the fear, agony, despair and hopelessness that gambling causes in me. Kiki

Ann

Posted: 02 Aug 2006 08:57 am Post subject:
Thank you Moe and Kiki for your replies.

Moe, trust me, I know exactly how you feel. You are discouraged and feeling down and out right now and facing your financial struggles head on.

Kiki, what you said hit home for me too. We do sound very much alike. After my last slip and initial feelings of disgust, the urge to go back and chase my losses and recapture the thrill was overwhelming. I gave in to it only to be devastated by the gambling itself. The gambling is what damages me in every way, financially, emotionally and physically. It is when I refrain that I feel safer and better in every aspect. You're so right, I cannot enter a casino, spend $20. and go home, I spiral out of control.

All I can say is we can't quit fighting. We cannot let this destroy our lives. We have to be strong enough to seek help and fight back. When I read your posts, I am more determined than ever. Perhaps if we stick together and keep on fighting, we can win this thing. There is hope, others have done it, we can too. I will come back here and report back on myself and check in on the rest of you.

For today, I choose not to gamble. I will be safe and free of the harm that gambling causes to me. For today, I will have that peace.

Ann

moe11

Posted: 02 Aug 2006 04:00 pm Post subject: re
Kiki/Ann - talk about chasing losses. I could have left last night up $200, instead I left down $200. When I 1st started going to Casino's I would have left with that $200. Thats the difference. I cannot leave when I have a profit. Always trying for the big win.

Here I am. Back from work after just sleeping for a little under 2 hours because of last night.

Ann

Posted: 02 Aug 2006 09:10 pm Post subject:
Moe,

This may or may not surprise you, but every single day I went back to chase my losses I could have left with anywhere from $100. to $200. or more from winnings. Instead, like in a trance I had to keep stuffing money down the machines until I lost money. I not only spent my own money but my winnings as well. That is the tragedy of our compulsion, we cannot leave when ahead like a normal thinking person. We are addicted, that is why it's so important that we don't gamble at all.

Believe me, somewhere in my mind is that idea that I can still win back all of my money, that I am in control, but I am constantly reminding myself of how awful I felt leaving when time after time I lost money even after winning. Moe, Kiki and everyone reading this, if you can do one thing, try to remember that feeling in your gut of total loss of control. It's so ugly that you want to be sick to your stomach. When I think of how much money I've fed those machines and what I could have done with it, how it could have helped my family and myself. I'll repeat again, we cannot let this destroy us. We cannot gamble and for today I did not and compared to how I feel when I have, this is the best feeling of all.

Ann

P.S. Please keep sharing, as Kiki said, we really do need each other.

moe11
Posted: 02 Aug 2006 10:56 pm Post subject: re
Ann - I agree with your last post 100%.

I keep thinking that I can roll back the clock to my gambling youth and leave with than extra $100 like I used to. It never works.

I don't know what I have to do to convince myself that its not going to happen.

I did not go tonight and I am talking about it here, at least thats something.

Ann

Posted: 03 Aug 2006 04:55 am Post subject:
Hello Moe and everyone reading this,

Moe, we have to do what we're doing now and keep on doing it. When that urge hits, we have to remind ourselves with everything in us what has happened to us over and over again. That feeling of devastation and losing our money over and over again, winning and then losing. The feeling of being so sick over it that we don't want to get out of bed the next morning.

Posting here instead of going is a HUGE step for both of us and we did it yesterday and I am going to do it again today. For today, I will NOT gamble. I will be safe and at peace with my decision.

Keep on posting and share your stories, we DO need each other.

Ann

KikiT

Posted: 03 Aug 2006 05:23 pm Post subject:
Moe and Ann,
I have been a compulsive gambler for more than ten years. I came very close to suicide because of MY gambling.

Gamblers Anonymous is the one thing that has helped me to start repairing my life. Please find a meeting. I know it helps if you have an open mind, a willingness to understand the different steps in recovery and you're willing to give it a try.

I don't want to say anything negative about this site because it serves a useful purpose for us to find each other and help each other, but it is really important to let humanity, people, into our lives.

My addiction is to a slot machine, a machine much like my computer. I don't think it's a good idea to get help from this site alone. We need to interact with other people that have walked the same road we have.
Thanks for being here. Kiki

Ann
Posted: 04 Aug 2006 05:26 pm Post subject:
Thank you Kiki for sharing with us and for your advice.

I'll keep an open mind to everything that you've said.

Keep us posted, we need you here.

Ann

scotty555

Posted: 13 Aug 2006 10:42 am Post subject:
Hi Gang,

Just checking in...I have been reading your posts and find them inspiring.

Moe -- We have all done the relaspe thing. I hope you will bounce back and really stop. When i read your posts it reminds me of what would happen if I decided to gamble again. So, perhaps your relaspe has a positive influence. Go and find another way to spend that time and remember the casino is your enemy.

I'm still out here -- 74 days CLEAN.

scotty555
_________________
Scotty555

moe11

Posted: 15 Aug 2006 01:47 am Post subject: re
Scotty - you have been an inspiration to me as well. Goes to show how much a couple of months can improve the quality of your life.

KiKi - This addiction fighting stuff is serious business. I am in no position to be giving out advice but I do agree that its good to take advantage of anything positive that will give you an edge.

A lot of good people at Gamblers Anonymous. People that understand you and what you are going through. In the ideal world we all would be living with trained psychologists who believed in us and knew what to say. Thats not the case.

If you are alone then be aware that Gamblers Anonymous can provide you with the support you need. If you have a family then be aware that Gamblers Anonymous understands you and can help you where your family can't.

Its a tough thing. You are going to try to trick yourself into going. Going to try and tell yourself that tonights the night. Even if you did win - is it going to last? Has it ever lasted? You would not be here if it did.

Lets say I did win and was able to pay off some bills. I just know deep down that at some point in the near future that I will be right back to where I am now having the same regrets. I just know it. I know deep down in my heart that whatever I win will not last and eventually - inevitably I will be back here thinking "what the hell am I doing back in this same situation". Like that Groundhog day deal. And thats if you win. If you lose then you are not going to want to leave. Not after commiting yourself to going. We all know this because we have repeated it so many times. Nothing is going to change. You have to change.