Wanted to stop in


bldshy

Hi all,

Just doing a check in. It has been about 2+ weeks since I posted on here, and was pleasantly surprised to see that I was on the home page with my story, under the featured section! Wow, kinda cool...although reading it, took me back to where I was that day I wrote it. Maybe a good reminder for me (although I never will forget the feeling I had that day, NEVER...which I think is the reason I've been able to stop.)

Glad to report on that btw, as I haven't gambled at all since I first came on here. I stopped counting the days each day, but I remember when it has been a week for instance and I do know a month passed this past weekend! It really is amazing how quickly the days add up, so I want to let everyone know who is just starting out....before you know it, it is days, then weeks...and soon it will be month (s), and eventually years.

I've been so busy with WORK (how great is that to write and say, lol), that I haven't had much time to check in here. I've read up on some of what you all wrote and it looks like everyone is hanging in there, which is great to see. I can relate to a lot of what everyone is saying....better sleep at night, feel like myself and being honest with everyone, including me--which is important. Sure, it's tough and it will take a while to get back on my feet as far as my business goes, but each day I'm getting there.

For those who don't know, I have my own business and sell things online, and I actually was using all the $$ I made in it to gamble away with previously. Now the little bit I had left to basically start it back from scratch after I tapped out my IRA....I made my first significant purchase since I stopped gambling. Paid $120 for it, this was probably about 2 weeks ago. Although I knew it was a good buy...it was weird as I thought, oh man $120 is now tied up. I got a little bit of my old feelings (in the past, when I needed to pay a bill after losing it betting, I would sell an item such as this which I knew I would make some money on eventually, and either sell it for a few bucks profit, what I paid for it, or sometimes less...just to get that $$ back.) So stupid, but again we aren't thinking rationally when we're gambling.

Anyways, I ended up getting offered $145 within 2 days and thought...sweet, but no...in the past I would have jumped at making $20....that is $20 I can gamble with!! Not now. I thought, I know I can get at least $155...have faith, you did the right thing, and a few days later, I sold it for $180!!! Now, I can tell you that was the best feeling I've had in a long time! I trusted my instincts (which is what made me successful in the first place and why I do what I do), and I actually made money by earning it...it was so great, and something I've missed.

So as far as the gambling...I tell ya, it really is everywhere. Maybe we are more aware of it than before, but geez its all over TV, on the net, in print, billboards...over the 4th I was with family and friends and they were talking about what slots and machines they like playing on.

I mean, its really something, but I say, if you are seeing all those images and start getting any urge...get it out of your head. Go do something completely different. Read a book, play some music, go to sleep, call somebody who you've told about your problem. Just go do something to get your mind off it, as it seems when that impulse is there in the brain, eventually it will pass. If you know there is something that might cause a "trigger", prepare for it. I am back at home right now since I blew all my $$, lol (laughter is a huge key I think in any recovery, so I laugh at it...to make it not as powerful), if I actually looked at my bank account and see how much I lost, I would get very upset, remorseful, guilty and bring all those feelings back. Can't do that...

clean break, stop the bleeding from June 9th and go from that point. Anyways, my parents left to go away for a few days (ironically enough to go to Windsor to gamble with some friends -- they can control theirs) and I was alone. This was barely a week since I had my bottoming out, and I thought...I'm going to cut half the time out and go visit my uncle. I ended up in a way, preventing myself from even being tempted, and yet I was by myself for 2 days...on the computer (my vice was, is, online gambling) but I have to use it for work every day. I got through each day with really no problem, and then left for the visit. Since then it's just been a progressive "gamble-free" day for me and I'm now going onto month #2.

So I just wanted to give an update, and let others know that you can do it. However, you HAVE to WANT to do it. I tricked myself by saying that, and had a false bottom a month before my real/last one. You can't try and "test" yourself to see if you're better, or say "well, I can just go with $50 and that is it"....no...it's all or nothing with us. I tried that "oh I'll just bet on sports and that will be my only little bit of gambling"....well that didn't work and didn't work and didn't work.

Once I said...you know what, no more of anything, sports included....I haven't gambled since. Honestly the urge has gotten less and less. I don't constantly "think" about it and am so obsessed with it anymore like I once was. For me personally I also have told more and more people, not my whole story and all the details...but you know, "hey remember when I needed X amount from ya...well, this is why, sorry about that, etc." Everyone has been totally cool and supportive...and a few did the "I wondered what the deal was." I've found out, it gets less and less powerful the more you talk about it. So keep posting on here, get it out....whatever it is. If its real bad, go to a meeting.

I personally haven't so I'm not one who is in Gamblers Anonymous and will harp that on someone, but I know that will help, especially if you are really feeling down and desperate. I still want to go check one out, but I think some people can use/need different resources. Each of our personalities have a common theme to them, but I also think we all are a bit different too.

Anyways, I'm rambling now...but just keep your chin up and take everything a day at a time. Enjoy life, enjoy the little things and don't get discouraged. If you slip, remember you're human, don't punish yourself BUT remember that..., remember the feeling, remember you sort of let others down and most importantly yourself down, and start right away from that day again. I'll try and check in more once things settle down a bit for me work-wise (again, great to say Take care, Dan

Bach

Posted: 26 Jul 2006 04:58 am Post subject:
How have you been doing since, bldshy?

bldshy

Posted: 28 Jul 2006 02:14 am Post subject:
Hi Bach,

Well it will be 7 weeks today that I haven't gambled Feels pretty good. Still busy with work, and I still get a bit worried/nervous about generating income (not thinking one day at a time, but weeks/months ahead.) Whenever I do that, is when I worry a lot...so I'm really trying to do the one day at a time.

I paid a major bill last week of $500, and was able to do it, so that was nice. The only thing is most of the money that I had to tap from my IRA is gone, so I'm kind of back to "scraping" by (ie, paying back my parents, covering the bank fees, miscellaneous bills and then tied up in inventory now.) Which is all good, it didn't go down the tubes betting. However, we all scrape by I suppose, especially after what I did, it won't be easy...and it has only been 7 weeks. I just don't have any cushion right now which I want, but then I think, I am the one who put myself in this hole and 7 weeks is not that much time. So I have to learn better patience, as I am not too good with that.

Overall though, feeling pretty good. I turn 33 this weekend, and have a HS reunion next month...and sometimes I get upset as how I am SO not where I want to be right now, and how much I haven't done since I graduated. How I'm not using my degree maybe as I could have, not married, back at home currently, etc. etc....oh, gambled like a fiend the last 6 months. All my friends are literally doctors, world travelers, it can be a bit too much when I think of all that...yet that passes.

I have my health, my family still loves me, my humor, my great looks (lol), and I realize 33 still is young, I think I know I am very lucky that I was able to recognize the self-destruction I was doing (well FINALLY), and the cost of my gambling woes was minimal compared to most of you. As far as my urges go, I honestly don't have them much at all anymore.

I think when football season hits, it might kick in more (I was a sports better) but I've gotten on well with baseball and hell, 2 months ago, I couldn't watch a game without having some "action" on it. Now, I have no idea of the spreads or lines, etc...and that is great. Thanks for asking and I hope you, and everyone else is doing well too! Dan

Bach

Posted: 28 Jul 2006 02:16 pm Post subject:
bldshy,

Your situation sounds very similar to mine. These days we live to be 90+, so there is a lot of time ahead to do great things. The secret is, as it's been said many times, taking it one day at a time rather than thinking too far ahead.

scotty555

Posted: 13 Aug 2006 10:21 am Post subject:
Great message dan! I can relate to everything you said. DITTO.
Scotty555
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Scotty555

bldshy

Posted: 15 Aug 2006 01:53 am Post subject:
Hi Scotty,

Good to see ya and hear you're still doing well! I remember we have similar situations and pretty close "last gambling days", so I wanted to also check in and say I'm still gamble-free. Football started up, yes only pre-season, but that would have not stopped me before...all the better (or bettor, lol) for me.

I'm now thinking to myself and remembering how much I would have cared, gotten upset, etc for a literal meaningless game...yet point spreads on pre-season games are right there for everyone to use! The one tonight, the Vikings just went ahead and instead of tying the game...went for the win, as they should have. I guarantee if I had a bet on it and had the Vikings, I would have been living and dying on that last play. I don't miss that one iota! Thank God, I have no idea what the line was and I don't care I still think when college FB gets going, that will be my final litmus test...

as I love it, know it, follow it...the whole reason I signed up for an online sportsbook in the first place actually. I already see a game right off the bat (ND plays at Georgia Tech and I know the Irish will be heavy favorites and I would be all over the Yellow Jackets) that in the past when I wasn't betting, and was saying "watch out, this team is gonna win" and they would, I would always wish I would have lived in Vegas or had a bookie. Then here I finally had that, and obviously didn't know what was inside me, a guy who couldn't stop.

Sure I would win and then blackjack is right there...and that game I just sweated out for 3 hrs and won...I blew in a matter of minutes. I love the fact I can still enjoy games again, and I make sure in a way to never even see the spread in the paper when I'm reading the sports. I happened to see them the other night as the full slate of pre-season games were starting over the weekend...and I just smiled, and turned the page Kinda like my life...Maybe that is my motto...turn the page LOL.

Anyways, been focusing all my energy into my business and slowly, but surely, that is starting to turn around and come together. I actually even am starting to see the $ beginning to return in the account...nothing substantial or earth-shattering...BUT when those bank statements come and they have no online deposits or stupid a#@ bank fees....man, I love that!!

My reunion is this weekend, I'm not going to it...just too soon and would probably trigger some unhappy feelings. My friend might be po'ed some, but I don't care, got to take care of me first. He'll understand and I told him when 20 rolls around...I'm there! Gives me a long-term goal as I WILL NOT be close to the situation I am in/was for this 15 yr one. Even though it has been 2+ months, I swear it feels like a different life, doesn't it? It's great and I hope everyone can get that in their lives. Keep strong everyone! Dan

scotty555

Posted: 15 Aug 2006 10:55 am Post subject:
Dan,

Your description of how the blackjack spins out of control is exactly what happened to me countless times. I have wanted to tell you this for awhile...get GAMBLOK and put it on your computer. Call your credit and debit card companies and tell them to block any transactions. Contact your sportsbetting site and tell them you want to close your account and be banned because of your problem. Dude, you are very vulnerable o going back in and ruining your life. This is dramatic, but until I took these steps I could never really quit. Once I quit for over 5 months and then went right back to it. Placcing many obstacles in your way will help you maintain your willpower.

you are doing GREAT. Now, push it to the next level.

your friend,

Scotty555
Honolulu
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Scotty555