Accepting Losses


moe11

A month ago I had posted some opinions that I now find to be wrong. Its about how to feel after losing a lot of money. I had posted that you should remind and critisize yourself of those losses so you do not do it again.

Well, did not work for me. I am finding out in Gamblers Anonymous the link between negativity and negative actions. Beating yourself up over your losses is not going to bring the money back and can open yourself up to trying to chase the loss at the gambling establishment of your choice.

Using me as an example. I lost a ton of money in late July-early Aug. How do I feel about it? I am paying for it right now. All my financial plans have been set back by at least 2 months. No extra money to do anything with. On the phone last week begging creditors for extensions.

Isn't that punishment enough? Beating myself up over it would only seem like being prosecuted twice for the same crime. I am serving my sentance right now whether I want to or not. Its a beautifull weekend here in the north mid-west area. I would love to be out there paying Golf or going out to eat but for me its going to be TV and shoping at Kroger for specials.

How do I feel now? I feel acceptance. I have accepted the fact that I set back my financial plans by 2 months. I have accepted the few extra dents to my credit report. I have accepted the fact that I shot all my summer plans.

But I can still do productive things on a tight budget. The next 2 months does not have to be a total wash. I hope to make the best out of the comming weeks of tight budgets and soothing creditors. What else can I do?

scotty555

Posted: 13 Aug 2006 10:14 am Post subject:
I think you have a right course of action. Crying over spilled milk is a waste of time. Focusing on what you can do now to improve your situation is the better way to go.

We still remember that awful sting and that makes the recovery time easier to take. I had the same situation in late May of this year. I have completly stopped gambling since 1 June. I still remind myself of how much stress I was under when gambling. That stress has been eliminated in the past 2 and a half months. I feel very good about the decision to stop.

My motto: "If you are digging a hole...STOP DIGGING!"

All the best,

scotty555
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Scotty555

moe11

Posted: 13 Aug 2006 04:14 pm Post subject: re
scotty. Congradulations on your success.

I wish I had stopped in late May. The quality of my life would be so much better now. I guess the key is to make sure I will not be saying that in October. Now that I can control. Can't do anything about the past.

scotty555

Posted: 14 Aug 2006 09:58 am Post subject:
Moe,

I'll be pulling for you. Just do anything else but go back to that damn casino. The place has taken an unnatural control over some folks and we need to be smart enough to know who we are. Once you get away from the gambling monster for a few months you are going to be feeling GREAT.

All the best,

scotty
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Scotty555

bldshy

Posted: 15 Aug 2006 02:03 am Post subject:
Hi Moe,

Sorry to hear about the relapse. I remember that thread and was hoping that you didn't focus to much on the losses, etc...as it just seems to be such a trigger and an energy waster. I didn't know they taught that in Gamblers Anonymous, so that makes me feel good as I think it validates what I've always thought as far as me personally. Not that I wish you had to go through what you did, but your message is helping me and others on here, so remember that. Which is what I tried to explain, always accentuate and remember the positive things you are doing/have done. You did relapse, but you hadn't gambled in quite a while before that, so you've proven you can do it! Beating yourself up is just too much, and you're gonna go crazy if you do that.

I do think you want to remember (not dwell on) but remember, the feeling you had the night or day after you relapsed and how you felt...I still remember mine and it was a feeling I never want to have again in my life. Hopefully this time will be the one you really needed and said...dammit, I hate this, I don't want it anymore. Kinda can take the approach of "It screwed my summer plans up...screw you gambling! You're not gonna win anymore! I'm in control of my life, not you. One day at a time." I wish you luck and stay strong. Getting it out always helps too...makes it less and less powerful! Take care, Dan

moe11

Posted: 15 Aug 2006 02:09 am Post subject: re
Thanks Dan, I am doing a lot better now. Last gambling date remains at Aug 4.

My main struggle now that I touched upon in the other thread is not fear of losing but the illusion of winning. True I cannot afford another relapse at this time but thats never stopped me before. Gamblers Anonymous does introduce some accoutablitly. What stopped me recently was thinking about letting them all down. I really do not want to go back with some lame excuse like sorry guys I did not make it.

So I have what 11 days clean time already. It does add up and things get better from what I hear.

bldshy

Posted: 15 Aug 2006 02:43 am Post subject:
Hi Moe,

11 days...nice! It does really add up quick. You're already closing in on two weeks. I know exactly what you mean about "letting people down", I kind of do that myself. I want to continue to be able to come in here, or tell my loved one, wow a month, two months, 6 months, etc. More importantly though, and I hope you think as well....I don't want to let myself down, and have that awful feeling of "what the hell did I just do...again."

I actually lately am at the point where I don't keep track and a Friday comes and I think...wow another week, that is what now? It doesn't consume my life anymore. You know, if not letting the Gamblers Anonymous friends down works in keeping you from not going to the casino...hey, why not! Whatever mental edge helps, use it. I just stress the "you" factor first, before any of them. As long as that is there, I think you're well on your way Moe Take care, Dan

moe11

Posted: 15 Aug 2006 04:11 am Post subject: re
Dan, I am very new to Gamblers Anonymous. Seems like there is power to helping other people. It amazing how much we all have in common despite the different camblng preferences.

Hey, I just spent the night driving around for a couple of hours. Costed some gas but at least I did not gamble. Really had the urge tonight, it was a tough go. Do whatever you can I guess.

Bach

Posted: 17 Aug 2006 01:32 am Post subject: Accepting the past
I also believe that beating ourselves for our past mistakes does create triggers. A Roman Emperor once said something *Everyone's life is in the present. For the past is done and spent with, and the future uncertain.*

moe11

Posted: 18 Aug 2006 12:47 am Post subject: re
Bach - nice post.

You are going to feel like crap after a big loss, no getting around that. Just give it some time and you will feel better as the clean days start accumulating.