ex-boyfriend is back


Hello
I am new at this is some ways, so please bare with me. My boyfriend of 4.5 years has come back into my life. While we were together he was a alcoholic and entered a great program and has been sober for over 2 years. During his sobiety (after the first 6 months) we broke up due to his personality swings. He did quit AA, but got his lience back, a car, a job and his own apt. So now 1.5 years later, he is back in my life. While going threw his drinking recovery we did all the programs together and I learned alot. So, I am not going into this blind. During his drinking days, I told him he needed help, so I gave him a telephone number and left it up to him. I was surprised that he took the number and entered the program. So, the drinking part is under control, he is still sober. But! he also has a gambling problem (he never touched my money). We have only been out 5 or 6 time, but I can see that he is heavy into gambling, almost everyday in between work and me. I guess the question I have is....is he asking for help in a certain way by coming back into my life or his it because he loves me. He tells me that he has a plan that he has to do for himself to get where he needs to go in life and that nothing will hold him down or stop him. His message almost seems two fold to me. I am trying to stay neutral and I am just listening not to what he says but how he says it, but I could use some guidence.
rama

Saturday July 16, 2005
07:10 AM EDT

Dear Rama

I'm the gambler and my husband and I are both in AA and I never gambled until a few years ago and now i'm totally addicted and my husband has stopped gambling. it's scarry to me how powerful it is.

anyway gamanon is cool for partners i think

francis

Hello Francis
Congradulations on AA, I think its a great program. I found the people so interesting and the fellowship was amazing. I have no addictions but have watched my boyfriend go threw the pain and grow. I am trying to be a friend to my ex boyfriend and its feels like one moment he pulls me in and another moment he is pushing me out. I am waiting for the right time to mention GA, but for now I don't think he's ready to hear about it. I am just not sure to why he has come back into my life. rama

Hi Rama,
That question (why is your boyfriend back) is a tricky one. If he is back in your life because he needs guidance and knows you will give him that, is that bad? Are you enjoying your time with him now? Are you hoping to marry him? Is he nice to you?

Everyone loves differently. If you asked 10 people to tell you what loves means to them, I 'bet' you would get 2 different answers. Some people love someone because they are lonely. Does that make the love not true? Is there a love gauge that tells you if it's the right kind of love, or enough love?
Basically what I am saying is he is with you because he wants to be with you. It is up to you to get your needs met. If he is treating you right and you are happy with the relationship, that is all that matters. If you are not getting your needs met, then it is up to you to do what you need to get them met.

venger1022