Bloody Addictions

I thought I would share this with you all... as a point of reflection.
About 25 years ago a friend who's father was a huge cocaine dealer
stole a large amount from him and came over to my house to share. I've done a lot of drugs in my day...many years ago. But never had tried Cocaine. He put it on the table... took a large mirror off the wall and just made lines and away I went. After about 2 or 3 lines I just couldn't stop... it was the best high ever. It was unbelievable. I was a single mom of 2 kids...they were about 6 and 3.
Anyway 6 months later... after the free stash had gone, I had hocked everything I owned to keep going, hadn't slept more than a few hours per week and only after drugging my self to sleep... I went out for coffee... my kids got bored and wanted to play on the grass by the window were I could see them. I let them...

the 6 year old was very good about keeping track of her sister. Anyway... I was watching them out of this window... and saw my 3 year old playing with a straw. She made lines of dirt on the sidewalk and was trying to snort the dirt with the straw...just as 2 cops walked by. Not only gripped by panic but by the shock that my kids...

even the 3 year old was paying that much attention to my actions. I was so sad I just was blown away... holy cow what have I done. I resolved to never do it again. Then after I came down and was having withdraws I found some speed... the little pink ones. I chopped it up and snorted it. OH my god... the pain... the blinding pain... then the blood... tons and tons of blood... pouring

out of my nose and into the sink... as the sink was filling up... I was
loosing conciseness and started to faint, head spinning heart pounding wildly. While I layed on the bathroom floor... in a pool of blood... I remember thinking. What am I doing!!!!!
That was the last time I ever did a drug and any sort.
Bloody addictions... lets hope this one doesn't go that far.

Terri. Tuesday February 08, 2005
01:32 PM EST


Terri....I don't know what to say ... bloody addicitons is right, doesn't seem to matter what the addiction is, it still takes everything away from us, starting with our logic and sometimes ending with our lives. I'm proud of you, that you have managed to avoid drugs. Be thankful for that! (sounds lame, I guess, but I mean it)
I tried soft drugs, in high school, but I always refused cocaine, strange for me in light of the personality I have. Now, I look back and I think I knew somewhere deep down that cocaine would not be a recreational drug for me. Wish I could have said no to that first bet I placed, but hey, gambling is such a harmless pasttime right? Riggggggght.
I'm glad you're here. The first step in not letting "it" get that far....
Take care Terri Smile

That was brave of you to bring that out. Not everyone can admit to their undesirable past. I've had a problem with drugs in the past also. I used to frequent the worst streets in the city to get my fix. I didn't realize it at the time but I was substituting my drug habit for my gambling habit. Now I have neither habit. I tend to eat out a lot, sometimes too much but I'm cutting back on that too.

Everyone is here because they share a similar past. When I read your posts, I see a bit of myself in them. That's why I keep coming to this site.

In the past month, there was peace in my life and I wasn't used to it. But I didn't give in and start gambling again. I held my ground. Slowly, I'm beginning to enjoy the peace with myself and with those around me. I'm going to try my best not to disrupt this peace by doing drugs, gambling or other foolish act.

I like my peace. And I will continue to frequent this site because a single day can put me back in relapse. I share all your hopes and dreams. I know we will be happy people if we live life one day at a time and enjoy the company of those around us.

God Bless You.