It's so good to be here


I feel good to have finally found some place I can talk about all this. A safe place. I am 39 years old, I am a recovering addict and alcoholic for 14 years and I have in the past two years slowly developed a new addiction....gambling. It started out by being around the machines, I didn't play them at first, just worked for someone who owned a store that had them. Eventually I put a dollar in and turned it into nearly $200.00. That was the beginning.

I have known for the entire time that I do not need to be doing this. I am compulsive by nature. When I put down the drugs and alcohol I picked up shopping, food relationships just about anything that could help me fill the hole. I also know what has brought this on, I have suffered a few significant losses over the past few years. Gambling sure does provide the numbing that enables me to tune out.

Today I spent money I did not have, I have bounced about 10 checks in the last two months and I am behind on everything. Today was different however. I left with some money in my pocket. I have not done that in a very long time. I wasn't even enjoying myself, and I can see the damage I have done...mostly to myself.

I have worked the 12 steps of recovery and it is time to work them again. I have slipped back into old behaviors that have not made me feel good about myself. Today I feel I have surrendered....finally. I know I have no control over this, and I need to abstain in order to get better.

I am so happy that I have found a place I can talk to others, it is lonley being all by myself in this, and I know it is all of my doing.

Thanks for reading, emails and comments are all welcome, I hope to get to know all of you really well and start to get better!!

crazylady. Saturday January 22, 2005
07:52 PM EST

One day at a time. You'll be fine.

I wish you all the best.

Honesty

 

Hey Crazy Lady, welcome and it is really good to have you here.. that shows another cg wanting to recover from this disgusting addiction. We all start out gambling for fun or entertainment.. we dont plan on becoming cgs, but as you know it happens to the best of us.. and there are some beautifully wonderful and intelligent people all over the world who are suffering from this disease.. please keep searching for all the help and understanding you can to stop gambling.. I talk to people who gamble and dont have a problem and say, be extremely careful when you gamble, cause I wasnt a cg when I started either. I too have a compulsive personality and I have heard more cgs say that they stopped drinking and found gambling. We have to make drastic lifestyle changes in order to stop gambling and stay stopped.. go to the nearest ga meeting you can find, call the local government office in your city and ask them where the nearest addictive disorders center is that is funded by the state, so you can get free counselling..

keep searching the internet and most of all, to start, do everything you can to just not gamble for the next 24 hrs.. take it one day at a time, and keep doing whatever it takes to find a recovery program that works for you.. it is the worst addiction known to man, worse that drinking, worse that crack/cocaine..try not to feel to overwhelmed, I know its allot to take in, when you first reach out for help and support.. its very scarey, but you are moving in the right direction now, stay the course and keep focusing on the fact that you have to stop. My heart goes out to you because I have been where you are and I know the pain and suffering.. you said it yourself.. the answer is filling a void..

find other ways and things to do to fill the void. Try to remember the things you enjoyed doing before gambling took over your life. You will never be the person you were and you dont like the person you are now, so start looking for that brand new, wiser and better person you are working towards starting today.. Life is so much better after gambling.. but you cant get there if you still gamble. I go to group therapy and most of the us are suffering a lost, grief and pain.. when we gamble we think we can forget that, but it is just temporary and then its worse after we gambled.. gambling gives us a false sense of hope and sucks us in to thinking we are winning something and that feels good, because we have lost and grieved so much in the past.. but again.. gambling is not our way out.. healing the pain you are suffering thru counselling will get you back to a healthier place mentally and emotionally.. this is an emotional disease, thats why it is so darn hard to stop.. heal the emotions, stop gambling, get support and you will be on your way to a much happier healthier life.. one day at a time..Hugs, lilaud

crazylady,

Welcome to the forum. I encourage you to write down your thoughts and goals.

Keep up the good work.

 

You know it has only been a couple of weeks for me but I feel great. I come from a home where my father is an alcholic and I know I have the "bug". This is a great place to be. You can write down however you feel....The folks that are here are very supportive and give solid advice.

Keep writing express your pain...be honest with yourself.

RobertL