Having a down day.


Hello Stacey, Karen, Bach, Scotty and anyone else who reads this.

I don't quite know how to put this in words but I'm having a really rough time the last couple of days. The urge to go and gamble has been very strong. Recently I was on the phone with my sister who likes to gamble and she went on to tell me about how she won a good sum of money last week and to explain the machines she played. I've also undergone quite a bit of emotional stress recently with the loss of a dear friend as well as some other issues in my home. Again, the urge is very strong. I'm on my own right now and am battling with the thought of jumping in the car and going. I don't want to do it and am trying to tell myself all the reasons why I shouldn't, but I would be lying to say that I'm having an easy time of it.

I've got over 5 weeks under my belt now and don't want to ruin it. I keep trying to remind myself how horrible I felt the last time I had quit for a couple of months and then went back and gambled. Also, the last time I gambled was about the worst having lost a horrendous amount of money and having my son show up worried to pick me up.

I can't go back there, I absolutely cannot. I keep trying to tell myself that I will go in with $20 or $40 and come out a winner. I know what I'm doing, I can reason it all out, so why do I want to do this so badly?

This dreadful addiction is one of the sneakiest I've ever dealt with!


We're all with you

Ann: We're all with you in spirit. Life can be tough. You have the urge to gamble when things are rough right now.

Things have been going so well for me and what did I do? I ruined it by gambling. I gambled all day Friday and all last night. I'm out of the contest. I'll be writing about my relapse in my diary this week. I gambled away all my extra money.

Whatever you do, please don't give in. The feelings of guilt and worthlessness are not worth it. You deserve better for yourself. It's Sunday morning and I don't have peace of mind because I gambled.

I'll have to change the last date gambled on my profile. I'm sorry everyone. It happened and I have to deal with it.

Bach.


I'm so sorry to hear that

I'm so sorry to hear that you've relapsed.  We can all totally understand as we've all been there.  Why is it that things start to go well, life starts to get back on track, money is more manageable and bang, we relapse?  If I'm not mistaken, I think you had quite a few months under your belt Bach.  Do we start to feel confident again and really believe that we can handle it?  We all know better yet we could talk ourselves into gambling in a heartbeat. 

Bach, it's not too late for you.  You've come forward and told us of your relapse.  Two days of gambling isn't good but if you continue it will only spiral and get worse.  Your post has made me realize that I can't gamble today.  As you know, I am having a difficult time today and instead of going to the casino earlier I went to church.  After church I was still struggling with the idea of going, instead I talked myself into coming home and having some lunch.  Later I'll have to get some groceries and I'm sure it still would have been on my mind.  Having read your post now Bach, I know I won't do it. 

Please be strong, we're all here for you.  Don't beat yourself up about this, just please pick yourself up and start over.  Those feelings will eventually subside with not gambling.  I call them a gambling hangover.  Come here to vent if you need to, but please don't continue.  I'm willing to start the contest over again if everyone else is game.

Wishing everyone peace.  With some help from each other and God, we can all be gamble free to the New Year. 


bach...

Hey bach..sorry to hear that..

Can you remember the emotions that led you to it?  How you felt?  Why you did it and how your rationalized your mind around it?

Was it the extra money?  

Did you go into the casino w/the heart racing and the anticipation of a good, fun, happy night?  Did your mind ever once think about later on...and did you say .. heck if I lose it ... I'll still be ok...cause im in control? 

Knowing why we do something is 90% of the battle to stop it....

Remember you'll ALWAYS, ALWAYS... have the urges, its what you do with them that makes the difference...

Thanks for being honest and straight with us..we're proud of you regardless...you did it once you'll do it again...

Stacey.....still here...


My blog

StaceyP: Answering your questions will offer a lot insight. I try to answer them sometime this week in my blog.

I had $200 on me today. I bought some groceries and still have $70 on me. I have no intention of gambling any more money away for awhile. But I'll take it one day at a time. I want to feel good about myself and gambling doesn't do it for me.

Ann: No need to re-start the contest. I'm out and I'll be the head cheerleader.

Talk to everyone soon.

Bach.


Bach, I'm out of the contest

Bach, I'm out of the contest too, I blew it last night.

All that good advise I was giving, lost somewhere, the urges were too strong.  Two people recently told me of their winnings and two just talked about the casino.  Too much loss the last couple of weeks, just too much for me to handle I guess.  It's funny, I was looking to buy a new coat and thought they were too expensive.  I could have had 5 with what I spent last night.

I feel like a serial quitter.  All the peace that had grown inside of me is gone too.  I'm posting quickly so I don't lose my nerve, I was just going to keep it to myself.

Nothing has changed, I still have no control in front of a machine.  I had visions of being in control and leaving with money.  I'm starting over, work today will be tough.

I'm sorry too everyone, I really am. 


I'm Sorry to Hear about everyone.

Hi All,

Oh my gosh I couldn't bring myself to log in for the last four days.  I relapsed on Friday night and I gambled from 8:00 P.M. until 4:00 A.M.  I won and then lost over $1,000.00.  I didn't do that much damage to my bank account.  But I was feeling like such a failure and I hated to log on and have to admitt I messed up.  Then I finally bit the bullet and logged on to confess about my binge.  I am so sorry Ann and Bach that you had a relapse, and I don't feel good about it but.....  It does make me feel like we are all human.  I am so frustrated with myself and am so tierd of trying to figure out how to pay for everything when I screw up.  Will just take it one day at a time.  I really didn't feel like I had a trigger, I actually did have something happen extra money.....  My bank made a mistake a put a group of checks in twice last month and refunded me $800.00 on Friday afternoon.  I logged on and saw the deposit and my mind was saying instantly ......I need to go to the Casino.  Of course I only planned on staying a few hours and only allowing myself to play so much.....  I am sick of myself.  I'm out of the contest too!  But I feel better today than yesterday and I'm going to take it one day at a time.  God Bless all of you and have a good week!