Need help


I'm 35 years old. I've been gambling since I was 13 years old. I started playing cards with my family, small change. I enjoyed it and it was the highlight of my life playing cards with the grown ups. My father was a huge gambler as well. When I was 16 years old, I was actively involved in sports and worked very hard. I had over a thousand dollars saved when I was 16 years old. I started playing cards with my friends(poker). It would get out of hand even back then. When I was 18, my father took me to a dog track and the rest is history. It progressively got worse. I spent every dime and would go through ups and downs in my life. Finally, I had enough, lost some friends and moved back home. I went back to school. I went almost two years without gambling and was the happiest ever. I was doing very well. Then, one day when I had some free time, I went to a casino on my own and turned $200. into around 7,000. Needless to say, I left with around $4,300. It was the beginning of the end for me. I never looked back since. I've borrowed so much money from friends, family, and credit. I have lost everything and even though I make good money, I'm in a situation where I have nothing and can't pay my bills.

Last night, I used money that I desperately needed to survive on. I went with a friend who also is a compulsive gambler. I lost and I'm sick of it. I know I have a problem, I understand everything about it, but eventually I give in and try mu luck and make my situation worse everytime.

I want to start over. I want to regain the trust of my friends that care about me. I also lost my parents when I was younger so I started to gamble heavier after they passed away.

I'm very depressed today. I usually am after I go gambling. Its time to change my life or I won't have any life. I need help. I need support.

I have some serious financial situations to deal with in the morning. I'm going to talk to some friends. I have taking some steps. I did rip up all credit cards some time ago, but also going to rip up my tyme card so I will prevent myself from gambling in the future.

Today is a new beginning. It has to be or I'm going to be out on the street. I could go on and on, but I think you get the just of it. I've reached the worst level of compulsive gambling. Its horrible. I'm horrible and I want to change even if its going to be a long road to recovery.

* johndoe's blog
* Add new comment

I hope you feel the same way in the morning
Submitted by denisec on Mon, 2007-08-06 10:24.

I too have had these conversations with myself when the shit has hit the fan. When it seemed as if there were no possible way out of the hole I had dug myself into. The key is to hold on to that pain for a little while even when things get better and stop the addiction. Like you I needed support and the help of others and that is such a good thing to recognize because it takes so much strength to reach out to others when you need help. For me it was gamblers anonymous, it made all the difference in the world. Like you I had gambled in my addolence and my whole adult life. I didn't know life without gambling and so I needed the help from people that had been there and knew how to stop. I do have to disagree with you as far as reaching the worst level of gambling, there is always a deeper hole you can dig. It's chosing to grab the rope that is being thrown down to you or digging further. I hope you chose a path of recovery my friend, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Denise C. - 4 years 4 months and 27 days without a bet

* delete
* edit
* reply

You are not alone
Submitted by Shannon on Sun, 2007-08-19 14:39.

I first of all want to say that I'm very proud of you for posting this. It takes alot to admit to yourself that you have a problem. I have been going to G.A. for the last 3 weeks and gamble free since 7-21-07. I know the feelings that you are having...I've been there for so long. I hope you can find the help that you need. Please find a G.A. group in your town. It has helped me so much. I have always thought I was the only person going through this. It is a sickness but believe it or not there is help. I pray for myself every day. I will also pray for you.
Take Care,
Shannon

* delete
* edit
* reply

HATE GAMBLIN IT HAS RUINED MY LIFE
Submitted by CONSTANZA on Fri, 2007-09-21 00:28.

I DONT KNOW WHY I DO IT I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO I OWE MONEY TO CREDIT CARD AND EVEN SPENT NOW MONEY THAT WASNT MINE....I PRAY MY LIFE CAN CHANGE TOO IM SO UNHAPPY IN MY MARRIAGE TOO MY HUSBAND DOESNT HAVE NO MONEY AND ALL MY MONEY MY SAVINGS ITS GONE IN 1 YEAR THIS LAST 2 DAYS I LOST $1800 AND THATS A LOT FOR ME I LIVE IN A SOUTH AMERICAN COUNTRY WHERE A A GOOD SALARY IS $800 A MONTH.I FEEL SO GUILTY WITH MY FAMILY SO DEPRESSED SO WORTHLESS GOD SO WORTHLESS

* delete
* edit
* reply

one day at a time
Submitted by c-j on Thu, 2007-09-27 05:52.

you'll have to start over. one day at a time like everyone else. the days add up quickly and soon you'll be back to your old self again.

you are NOT worthless. you are a human being. you're allowed to make mistakes. as long as you admit to your mistakes and make a commitment not to make them again, you're on the right path.

take care of yourself.

* delete
* edit
* reply

All or None
Submitted by howudoin on Sun, 2007-11-18 21:41.

I understand where you are coming from, ... falling back into the mix of gambling, losing -- regretting. ...

I myself am a 30 year old problem gambler -- with a husband and newborn at home, somehow the selfish side of me takes over .. the " I'll just take a few hundred " side -- and you know exactly what I mean when I say that -- and the horrible results of it ... I grew up around nickle and dime poker as well.

I have some advice for you and hope that even a piece of it helps.

LET go of what is gone -- you can transition into this by forgiving yourself -- and in order to do this take these few steps --

Apologize to the ones whom you've borrowed from or even lied to -- take responsibility for who you've become .. this will be the most difficult part, but a huge weight will be lifted off your shoulders -- I'm sure ... if not an apology then at least ask those persons from whom youve borrowed from to tell you "NO" if you come to them for another loan -- again taking responsibility for what you've done -- this will possibly make you think twice about gambling as you wont have the funds to fall back on ...

Third - go to a Gamblers Anonymous meeting and Don't stop after one or two sessions .. great therapy for ya ..

Oh , and last but just as important -- think of all of the things you could be doing, not necessarily with the money, but with your time instead of gambling ( remember Im saying all of this from experience -- and theyre only suggestions -- ones in which I have to start using Today ). Focusing on what could have been or what should have been wont work - but thinking of how you could excercise, visit a parent, ... volunteer ( that may sound corny but volunteering can help to give us a bit of a reality check ) ... --------- get girlie -- Write your passions down in a journal -- alongside your passions, write down your thoughts etc -- eventually you'll figure out what means most to you or what makes you go toward gambling instead of, lets say , .. excercise.

Before you start the engine to drive to the casino - force yourself to take a 10 minute walk --

Internet -- shut it off.

I know I just talked forever and really , I was talking to myself -- today -- lost 900.00 - the guilt is overwhelming. I feel very selfish -- people who cant even celebrate Christmas and there I was -- ALL IN.

Take care, and good luck -- sorry to babble but hope this helps some.

Dannie.